Student Reflections

I'm currently sitting at a week past midterm of my fourth quarter at Savannah College of Art and Design Atlanta. It's an experience, let me tell you.

Being the Parent I'm Meant to Be

Oliver Bennett Chan was born on May 6th, 2013. He was a very healthy 8.5 lbs. He was born via cesarean. It was a traumatic experience for me this time around. My first born was also a cesarean, but things went very smoothly. I won't delve into details here. That's for another time.

One thing I've always struggled with is being the 'good' parent. When I was pregnant with my first, Lukas, I told myself I was going to be the parent who read to him every night, focused on educational learning, would never yell, etc. etc. 

I was infuriated when I learned I wasn't anything remotely like I imagined myself as being. For a while after my first son was born I hated myself and resented him. It took me a long time to accept that I wasn't going to be the parent I had made up in my mind. So, I accepted things for the way they were. I decided instead to focus on praying for patience to deal with a needy baby.

Goodbye, 20s! Hello, 30s.

This year I turned 30. I've handled it as gracefully as possibly. I have always felt society-induced stress in regards to where I need to be in my life at any given age. It's the inner control freak I blame for this. So, naturally, turning 30 was a very dooming, black cloud that hung over me. I'm still in school. I live with my in-laws. At 30, I should be in my home, working full time, listening to adult contemporary in my minivan, and throwing seasonal parties... right?

About six months ago (or maybe longer), I jokingly mentioned to my husband that I would like my 30th birthday to be BIG. I mentioned Vegas. Needless to say, it stuck. We moved money around, sold some things, and began saving. We booked our hotel room and airline tickets through our hotel's web site.

We left early in the morning just a week or so after my actual birthday. My son, who has not been by my side for almost two years, was dropped off at Grammie's house for the week. It was a tough goodbye.

An Introduction of Sorts

I'm about to say the cheesiest thing humanly possible. When my son was born, I was embodied with the motivation (that I had lacked since birth) to make a better life for myself and my new baby. Up until that point I was a college drop out and had never held a job for longer than a year.

In 2008, like many others, I was laid off. I was the first to go when the belts starting tightening around the neck of the company I worked for. Mistakenly, I believed my job was safe. I was the only graphic designer employed. They weren't going to let me go. They needed me. Right?

Being fired/let go/laid off is devastating. I don't care where you are in life, whether you are starting out or have been with a company for twenty years, it doesn't make it any easier. I was just starting out. In the span of ten minutes my dreams for homeownership, children, and a happy life crashed and burned. Melodramatic? Maybe, but that's how I felt. I had planned to work for that company for 5+ years. Man, had I been disillusioned.